Are you tired of feeling tense every time you run into that one person who always seems to find the cloud in every silver lining? You know the type—the “Negative Nelly” whose unsolicited opinions and constant criticism drain your energy and make you dread daily interactions. If you listened last week, you know that April Shprintz was facing her own neighborly dilemma. Now, find out what happened when she finally took a deep breath, stood up for herself with kindness, and set a simple boundary. The results were surprising, relieving, and gave her a fresh perspective on why dealing with a Negative Nelly is rarely about you. Click through to learn the simple strategy that replaced dread with peace—and how you can apply it in your own life!
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Dealing With A Negative Nelly, Part 2
Setting A Boundary With The Neighbor
I am so glad you’re here. If you were with me in the previous episode, I did my first ever cliffhanger as I was talking about dealing with a negative Nelly on how you can deal with folks who are not interacting with you in a way that is helpful or healthy or works for you. Only by simply putting up some boundaries and speaking up for yourself in a kind and respectful way. I told you it could have gone a bunch of different ways and I’m mentally prepared for any of them. I didn’t focus on anyone because I didn’t know how it was going to go.
I was pleasantly surprised because as I said, I do, like and respect this neighbor. As time has gone on, she doubled down on seeing the negative side of things. While I was nervous, I was so surprised at how she said, “It was never my intent to be rude or hurt your feelings or be condescending or any of those things. When people ask me for my opinion, I’m going to share it and sometimes they don’t like it.” I told her, “I understand that. To be clear, though. These were times where I didn’t ask for your opinion.” That surprised her and she got a little quiet.
It’s because I meant this. I said, “There are times when I share my opinion with people with the intent to help and it isn’t received the way that I meant it. That could be the case here. I wanted to share with you how I was feeling because I still want to be good neighbors. I want to interact to the extent that we can. If for some reason we can’t, I would like us to accept that in part from his friends.” She said, “I completely understand. Thank you for telling me.”
Now, full candor here. She was awkward. She felt a little surprised that I said that. Especially because I’m still that neighbor that will bake bread for you or water your plants or help you walk your dog. I wanted to stay true to who I was and express that I had not been having a good experience with her. We talked for a few more minutes and as I said, it was awkward. Sometimes, when you embrace that awkwardness and you stand in it, you get closer to people. Whether it’s a customer service issue or someone that you care about, one of your loved ones or, in this case, the neighbor.
It is much better to have that conversation, even if it’s scary, to put up that boundary and stand up for yourself in whatever way you need. One of the most important things in our lives is finding a way to live true to ourselves and be happy. Share on XShe even shared a comment in passing that helped me understand one of the reasons that she seems to have such an issue with things that I do about my home. She said, “It’s tough for everyone now. Everyone has less money than they used to.” Now that doesn’t happen to be the case for me, so I didn’t say anything. I do better understand now where she is coming from and that she might be fearful about spending money on her home. That’s okay.
The Lesson Learned: It’s Not About Me
The lesson here is that what goes on with other people isn’t about us. It rarely is. When you’re allowing yourself to change your routines, change the way you feel, and live in a state of dread. It is much better to have that conversation even if it’s scary to put up that boundary and to stand up for yourself in whatever way you need to. One of the most important things about our lives is to find a way to live it true to ourselves and to be happy.
I felt an immense amount of relief having that conversation and all of our interactions. Since then, it has been great. They’ve been short and to the point. I feel so much better. Having said that, she’ll be more mindful about what she says. Even if she isn’t, I’ll know that it’s not about me and I won’t worry about it anymore. If you’ve got someone that you’re dealing with that you interact with on a daily basis and you’ve been nervous about having that conversation. Hopefully, this gives you some hope. Hopefully, you understand that it’s usually a lot more scary in theory than it is to act it out to have that conversation.
If you have more questions I am here for you. Don’t forget, you can always go to WinningMindsetMasteryPodcast.com. All the way down at the bottom of the page, there’s that Ask April section. Remember, you can record a personal message for me. That comes directly to my email and I will answer you myself privately and personally and help you out with whatever it is that you’re working on. Here’s to your success.
