Setting boundaries is the essential skill that will double your happiness and protect your emotional wellbeing. Many high achievers struggle with this because they were never taught how to establish limits, often leading to exhaustion, resentment, and burnout. Host April Shprintz breaks down the simple “traffic light” method for enforcing these limits with clarity and grace. Whether you are dealing with boundary-less interactions at work or in your personal life, this episode provides the roadmap to stop doing things out of guilt and start protecting your peace. Discover why enforcing a boundary is the ultimate act of self-love and the key to building the unbreakable self-trust you need to live the life you have always wanted.
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The Skill That Will Double Your Happiness In Weeks
The Essential Skill Of Setting Boundaries
I am so glad you’re here. I had a big promise. The skill that will double your happiness in weeks. Maybe in one week. I’ll tell you that it is a skill that so many people that are highly successful and very driven don’t have because they were never taught. The skill is setting boundaries. I know it doesn’t sound sexy but let me tell you it will change your life. First of all, if you’re not familiar with boundaries don’t be surprised or think that somehow, you’re behind the power curve because depending on the generation you were born in, this wasn’t taught.
Even once it started being a lot more mainstream, probably around the Gen Z or Gen Alpha time frame, it still sometimes benefits the people who raise you and who take care of you not to tell you about boundaries because it makes you easier to deal with. That’s a terrible thing to say, but I don’t think that people are necessarily not allowing others to have boundaries for bad reasons.
The only people who are going to react negatively to your boundaries are the people sucking the life out of you. Share on XI do think they often do it because it serves them. That is why you need boundaries because a lot of times we worry about enforcing a boundary because of what’s going to happen. The only people who are going to react negatively to your boundaries are going to be the people that are sucking the life out of you if you don’t have that. I said what I said. Now, if you’re wondering what they are like, what is the definition? It’s the guideline, rule or limit that we’re going to establish to protect our mental and emotional wellbeing.
You are allowed to do that. If you’re someone who really freaks out about having boundaries or you’re like, “I don’t need boundaries. I don’t let anyone close to me.” Here’s the thing. If you’re boundary less and you don’t have rules and guidelines for how people interact with you. Usually, how you survive in the world is you build up walls. You don’t want anybody to get close to you. It’s lonely and you find yourself getting pissed the fuck off a lot. Why? It’s because you probably give too much. You do too much. You do things out of guilt, which leads to resentment. Boundaries are the key to never ever having to do that again.
Boundaries are how you know you're safe. Share on XYou may think, “They can’t be that great. They can’t be that big of a difference.” Let’s remember the story that we’ve all heard about the parents saying, “Don’t you make me stop this car and turn it around and not go to Disneyland.” Here’s the thing. If you’ve been a parent or been around a parent that does that, that turns the car around and doesn’t go. That is a red light big time boundary, but from then on, those children believe that parent. That doesn’t just work with parents and adults. It works with anyone.
When you have a boundary and you stick with that boundary, people respect it and they honor it, whether they like it or not. It makes your life so much easier and it also makes it easy to identify the people in your life who care about you because they respect that boundary easily. Also, the people who were getting more from you than they deserved because they’re the ones who are going to give you a hard time.
Boundary Exercise: Applying The Traffic Light Method
The boundaries are how you know you’re safe. If the idea of doing this terrifies, you have a lot of wonderful company. Chances are, when you were a kid, you weren’t allowed to have boundaries. I want you to do something. If the idea of even putting up boundaries for people scares, gives you anxiety or makes you uneasy. I literally want to make a little list. Put boundaries at the middle of the page and put little arrows out from it. I want you to write what scares you about putting up a boundary. Here’s some examples in case you’re not super familiar with them.
Anyone who cares about you is not going to have an issue with your boundaries. Share on XI usually do them like a green light, a yellow light and a red light. A green light would be guidelines. They’re clear. They’re kind. They’re gentle. It works. You say, “Hey,” when somebody stops by your office at 5:30 on Friday, “I’m done for the day but I will review this first thing on Monday.” That’s a nice green light boundary. “I am not going to continue working. I’m not going to look at this over the weekend.” Yellow light is for when you feel uneasy or anxious and boundaries have already been crossed.
Another example of that would be in a personal situation. A bunch of your friends are talking about another friend of yours who isn’t there. You say, “I’m not comfortable with the way that you’re talking about Jenny when she’s not here.” That’s a yellow light. That is saying, “You are crossing the line of what I am comfortable with.” A red light is when you’re more uncomfortable or even angry and you have to put a hard line in the sand because somebody is not respecting those green or yellow light boundaries.
Loving you, caring for you and protecting yourself is the number one thing you can do to build the kind of self-trust that helps you live a life you have always wanted. Share on XWhich, by the way, anyone who cares about you, has to respect the first two. If somebody gets into red light territory, that tells you a lot about them. The biggest thing about a red light territory boundary is you need a consequence. You need a consequence that you are going to hold to like our Disneyland story with the kiddos. You might be more uncomfortable or angry that boundaries have been crossed and you give an even tougher boundary and a consequence. In that situation I was talking with you about Jenny, you’d say, “I already told you. I’m not comfortable talking about her behind her back. If you continue to do it, I am leaving.”
Building Self-Trust And Taking Action
Again, most times people will back up and they will check themselves because they realize, “What I’m doing isn’t inappropriate.” If they don’t, get up and leave. Anyone again who cares about you is not going to have an issue with that. If they have a big issue with it, that’s going to be about them. Not about you. The thing is this, when you give people guidelines on how to deal with you, when you stop situations that make you uncomfortable and anxious right in the moment, what you teach yourself is, “I have got my own back.”
You, loving you, caring for you and protecting yourself is the number one thing you can do to build the kind of self-trust that helps you live a life you have always wanted. There’s a whole lot of information in here. If you have a question for me, don’t forget. You can always ask me personally. Go to WinningMindsetMasteryPodcast.com. All the way down at the bottom of the page is the Ask April section and you can message me personally. I answer that. No one else listens to it. I will answer you privately and give you some tips or some answers if you’re having any struggles with this because I’m telling you boundaries will make all of the difference in your life. We’ll make it more fun, more safe, more secure and more of what you signed up to have in the first place. Here’s to your success.
