Recently, someone asked April, “How do I keep fear from preventing me from doing all of the things that I most want to do?” It’s a valid question, don’t you agree? But April’s belief is that fear doesn’t keep us from doing anything. She believes the main culprit that keeps us from reaching the next level is resistance. So how do we tell the difference between fear and resistance? And how should we respond when we discover it’s resistance that’s holding us back? April’s response to these questions is here. To your success!
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What’s REALLY Holding You Back? Is It Fear, Or Something Else?
I got a great question for this episode. Someone said, “April, how do I keep fear from preventing me from doing all of the things that I most want to do?” I don’t think that fear prevents us from doing anything. It’s always along the ride with us when we’re trying to do something that is what I love to call a game-changer. It’s a resistance that keeps us from doing the things that are going to take our lives, minds and experience to the next level.
Here’s the difference between fear and resistance. Fear is our ego and it is there to protect us from things like getting eaten by a bear or falling off a cliff. Our ego reacts to perceived fear the same way it reacts to life-threatening danger. It’s not a real thing that’s going to hurt you but you can get as worked up as if it would. I’ll tell you that I’ve been there. Every time you’re trying to do something big, it happens and it doesn’t necessarily ever go away.
Resistance though is a little different. Resistance is that rationalization that you have in your mind. All of those things that make you believe that the fears are real, you’re not going to go and do those things. If you want more information on resistance, Steven Pressfield wrote an amazing book called The War of Art that talks about all the funny ways that resistance can show up for you and how it can keep you from doing those big things with super logical reasons that make sense whether your family is telling you, your significant other, you’re telling yourself or you heard it on the news. It’s all these reasons of doing what you want to do is not a good idea now and it only shows up when you’re going to do something life-changing. If that’s the case, how do you know when it is resistance and not just fear?
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles
The biggest way I know is because I will ask myself, “What will I get if I move past this fear and successfully do whatever it is? What is the reward? What is on the other side?” Without fail, when it’s truly resistance, there is something on the other side that I want and that is going to make a huge difference for me. When it is just fear? Here’s the thing. We got to get used to fear. Fear is going to be with us all of our life. I have a great friend, Jen Gottlieb, who says, “Fear is always going to be in the car with you. Make sure that fear is in the passenger seat.” I would add to that, “Give fear a snack. Tell fear that they cannot change the radio station and drive on.”
No one is truly fearless. People do it while they’re feeling fear. You can accomplish things over and over again that would make you think that you’d never have fear again. The next time you’re going to do something big, the fear is going to be there. The biggest thing that you can do is start to find a way to work with the fear and do it anyway. Earlier in 2023, I probably shared with you, I’m doing a Deliberate Discomfort Challenge. If you’ve never heard of that, look it up. They start new cohorts all the time.
Fear: No one is truly fearless. People do things while they’re feeling fear.
It’s a fantastic way to stretch, grow and put yourself in uncomfortable situations on purpose that you know will grow you. That is the biggest way to get comfortable doing things along with fear. Once you’ve recognized what your resistance is but you know fear is still going to be there, how do you go ahead and go after those dreams and do those things while you’re afraid? You learn how to be uncomfortable on purpose and you start to desensitize yourself to it.
For me, this Deliberate Discomfort Challenge has been great for that. It has taught me so many lessons but mostly, it gave me a great way to make myself uncomfortable. I also do other things. I will go to social events where I don’t know anyone and go and talk to strangers. For some people, that’s not scary. For me, it can be. I will deliberately take a cold shower a few times a week because it’s uncomfortable.
If you learn how to not just endure that discomfort but to embrace it and know what you get for it, you’re going to be able to put yourself in those situations more and more. While it might not make them not painful at the moment, it might not make them easy. It helps you understand the way that it feels when you’re feeling fear.
Fear: If you learn how to not only endure the discomfort but to embrace it and know what you get for it, you’re going to be able to put yourself in those situations more and more.
Tell the difference between fear and true resistance and move forward to get those things that you want. No one can keep you from doing what matters to you. No one can keep you from your goals except for you. These are some ways that you can work on making sure that that’s not the case for you. Steven Pressfield’s War of Art is a fantastic book. Look up that Deliberate Discomfort Challenge if you’re interested in finding a way to challenge yourself into getting more comfortable with being uncomfortable.
No one can keep you from doing what matters to you. No one can keep you from your goals except for you. Share on XDon’t forget. If you’re not sure that it’s resistance, ask yourself what’s on the other side of it. If it’s anything big and you really want, guaranteed, that’s resistance. When you’ve got the next thing that you’re working on that’s giving you some fear and you’re trying to work through it, don’t forget that you can always talk to me personally. Send me a private message on Ask April and I will answer you personally. Here’s to your success.