In this episode, April discusses the difference between a winning mindset and toxic positivity and how to know which one you’re using in your life. Is toxic positivity leading you to cover up issues instead of improving them? Are you ignoring emotions that are telling you something important? What is the best way to get to peace and happiness quickly? April has three steps that will help you find your way to true happiness and handle whatever life throws at you.
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Unmasking Toxic Positivity – The Path To A Genuine Happiness
In this episode, I want to talk about something that we haven’t talked about before. If you’re new to the mindset game, or even if you’ve been doing mindset work for quite some time, you might not understand the difference between having a great mindset that works for you and toxic positivity. I see it all the time and I see how it holds people back. I’m going to tell you the difference between a winning mindset and how you approach things with a mindset that works for you and toxic positivity. For a lot of people, it can be hard to distinguish the two. I want you to be on the right track and get the results that you really deserve.
Toxic positivity is one of the reasons I don’t use the word positive mindset. In a lot of cases, people think if they’re just positive, if they’re just happy, if they just act like everything is fine, then they have a good mindset. In a lot of cases, what they’re doing is covering up what’s really bothering them. They’re actually not in a good mindset. They are not feeling their emotions and not dealing with their life, and they won’t reap the rewards of truly working on your mindset and making sure that it’s working for you.
In a lot of cases, people think that if they're positive, happy, or act like everything is fine, then they have a good mindset. What they're doing is covering up what's really bothering them. Share on XThe first example of toxic positivity is ignoring your problems. You don’t even pay attention to what’s going wrong because you just want to put a good face on it. Let’s say you’re under a mountain of debt and you just keep telling yourself, “It’ll be fine. I’m not going to even look at it. I’m not going to worry about it. I’ll just make more money. Everything will work out. It’ll be fine.” In ignoring that problem, it can get bigger and bigger and you don’t really feel good about it. You have this underlying anxiety that is even worse than if you took the time from a mindset perspective to understand the problem and then think of ways that it could be happening for you, not to you.
For example, you have mounting debt. Let’s get you on a workable budget, something that is livable and will help pay that debt down and also feels comfortable and good in the way that you can live. How that can be working for you is figuring that out now before you make more money is hugely beneficial. Studies and statistics have shown that we can always spend what we make. No matter how much more money we’re making, we can live right up to the edge, paycheck to paycheck, and still be in debt.
Figuring that out now can be a huge benefit to you. That is the difference. Instead of ignoring the problem and pretending everything’s okay, you can look at the problem, find a way to find a solution and feel better about the fact that you’re finding a solution before the problem becomes an even bigger deal.
Toxic Positivity: Instead of ignoring a problem and pretending everything’s okay, you can look at the problem and find a solution.
Another way that you know that you’re displaying toxic positivity is if you’re hiding your painful emotions. No matter what’s happening, someone that you really care about has passed away. You have lost something in your life that was really important to you, a job, a friend, an opportunity. You just put a smile on your face and say, “Everything’s fine. I’m good. No problem,” without actually addressing those emotions, allowing yourself to feel them.
Get in there, feel that emotion. What happened? It sucked, okay. Don’t feel it forever, but allow yourself to feel anger, guilt, or whatever emotion comes up because of what happened. Take the time, once it’s a little less intense and your oven has gone down a little bit and reframe how you’re looking at it to help those emotions resolve.
For example, you lost your job. You got laid off. How could that be something that is working out for you? Look at it in a different lens of, “I’ve always wanted to work for myself, but I don’t know that I ever would’ve had the courage to leave that job because it felt stable. It felt like something that I would be silly to leave. Now, I’ve already gotten the opportunity to leave. I’m gone. How can I make this work for me?” Do you see the distinction? You’re not ignoring those emotions. You’re feeling them. As quickly as it makes sense and as quickly as you’re able to, you’re moving towards the solution side of what you’re experiencing.
Speaking of experiencing, the third sign that you are actually experiencing or displaying toxic positivity is experiencing guilt for being sad or angry. If you do allow yourself to feel those emotions you feel like you shouldn’t have. You should always be in a good mood. You should always be happy. Absolutely not the case.
Toxic Positivity: One of the signs you’re experiencing or displaying toxic positivity is experiencing guilt for being sad or angry. You’re allowing yourself to feel emotions you feel you shouldn’t have.
Feel those emotions and then find ways to allow yourself to feel a little better, some kind of a distraction or a redirection. Not dissimilar from what you do to a toddler who wants to go into a certain room where there are things that would hurt them. Find something else that will interest you and grab your attention. It could be talking to a friend, going and having a workout, take a walk, read, watch a show. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and then direct your energy into something else that feels a little better than that.
Toxic Positivity: Allow yourself to feel those emotions, and then direct your energy into something else that feels a little better than that.
This way, we’re not covering everything up. We’re not pretending like everything is great. We’re constantly looking for a way that is better for us, that works to our overall benefit. Not just the benefit of looking like and seeming like we’re happy, but actually working towards solutions and doing things that will move us closer and closer towards actual happiness.
If you have questions about this, go on over to the website, WinningMindsetMasteryPodcast.com. All the way down at the bottom, there’s the Ask April section. You can ask me a question personally and I will answer you back myself privately through the app at the bottom of the page. If you have questions about how to distinguish between toxic positivity and having a winning mindset, I want to help you. Here’s to your success.