What if one small moment could change the course of a child’s confidence—and heal the people-pleasing patterns many of us carry into adulthood? In this powerful and deeply relatable episode, April Shprintz explores how people-pleasing begins far earlier than we realize and how it quietly fuels anxiety, self-doubt, and unhappiness in both children and adults. Through a simple yet transformative story involving a nine-year-old client and a Christmas gift, she reveals why teaching kids—and ourselves—to value our preferences over approval is one of the greatest gifts we can give. Whether you’re a parent worried your child is overly influenced by others, a mentor raising emotionally resilient kids, or an adult who’s spent years putting everyone else first, this conversation will challenge you to stop “being good” at the expense of being happy and show how honoring your preferences builds confidence, self-trust, and a more fulfilled life.
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Save Your Child (Or You!) From People Pleasing
How People-Pleasing Begins In Childhood
I’m so glad you’re here. I hope your New Year is off to an amazing start. I think this episode is going to be huge. Whether you have a child that you’re worried about being too influenced by others and not being happy or if you’re that child all grown up. I definitely was for many years of my life. My youngest client is nine years old, which is way younger than I normally work with, but her father is a client of mine. He asked me to help her and the kids love me. I am very good at being besties with the little ones. I think the reason for that is because they recognize I’m just a five-year-old with a bank account.
I wanted to help her in one particular area because I noticed she took responsibility for other people’s happiness. Whether it was her parents, her friends, people at school, teachers or other adults. It starts very early in life and you know who I’m talking to. If you are one of those people who is so worried about upsetting other people that you live in a high place of anxiety or you’re often unhappy because you’re doing what other people want instead of just stating your preferences.
We had this wonderful experience where I got her a gift for Christmas because she’s this fantastic little person. I love nine year olds, but I’m not totally in touch with them. I thought, “I might have gotten her the wrong thing. I might get her something she didn’t like.” I wasn’t certain she’d tell me because she had expressed so many other times where she’d taken on responsibility for someone else’s feelings. I said to her, |I am super picky. It is very hard to buy a gift because I only like certain things. Most of the time I end up returning a gift and getting something else.” This is true. I am not the best fund to buy for because I am so picky but the people who love me, let me do it. I am the last person to be offended if someone returns my gifts and I told her.
Your happiness and your preferences matter. Share on XI said, “If this doesn’t work for you, what I want is for you to be happy. We’ll pick something else out. You just let me know.” Lo and behold, I’ve gotten her baking kit. She loves to bake. I’ve gotten her one with unicorns on it because candidly, I thought it would look fun. She said to me, “I liked unicorns a few years ago but they’re not my thing now.” I said, “That is awesome. I will give you the website I got this baking kit from. You tell me which one you want. As a matter of fact, just keep that one. You can do it with your little sister if you think she’d think it was fun but let’s get you something new.”
Why Honoring Preferences Builds Confidence & Breaks People-Pleasing Patterns
Now, this may sound like a very small thing but it isn’t. What she learned was that someone cares more about her preferences. Someone cares more about her happiness than her being a good girl, doing the right thing and being polite. That is what we want for our kids. If you’re an adult and you’ve gotten all the way to adulthood, whatever you consider that and you still care more about appearing to be a good person, not hurting people’s feelings and doing the “right thing.” I’m not talking morally right. I’m just talking that they don’t make waves right.
If you care more about that than your happiness and deep down you’re fucking miserable and you know it. I just did that. I’m talking about a child on an episode and I dropped an F-bomb but we’re close. This is who we are. I need to get this point across because you’re happiness, your preferences matter. Guess what? Her mother told me that made such a huge difference for her because she was like, “This matters.” The little girl thought, “It’s important to April that I get what I want.” Not only did the daughter get the lesson but so did the mom.
The more you realize you can rely on and trust yourself, the more unstoppable you become. Share on XShe said, “I’m going to model more often for her that my happiness matters more than someone else’s happiness because I see what’s missing here. I’m a people pleaser myself and I see where it causes me issues and I don’t want that for her.” No matter where you are, whether you are parenting or mentoring a child or you’ve just made it all the way to adulthood as so many of us do, thinking that it’s more important to please others than yourself. Stop. 2026 is the year for you.
A couple of years ago, if you were reading then you heard that 2024 was my preference to tour. I was starting to state my preferences. That was me coming out of being a people pleaser and I want the same for you because I have never been happier. I want you to show that example to your children and the children that you’re around. Also, show that example to the little child inside of you that your preferences matter and who you are matters. I’m going to tell you. It will make an incredible difference for you with the little things and with the big things. As an added bonus, you won’t even see this coming. It will increase your confidence because the more you don’t let little you down, the more you’ll realize you can rely on and trust yourself. That, my friend, will make you unstoppable. Here’s to your success.
