It is indeed a fulfilling experience to lend a lending hand to others, especially to those who urgently need it. But sometimes, you could be overdoing it that you are giving too much. How can you know if you are going beyond your capacities to help those around you? April Shprintz is a simple way to discover if you are giving too much and how to throttle back to your full self.
—
Listen to the episode here
How Do You Know When You’re Giving Too Much?
Hi there. I am glad you’re here. One thing I love about my clients is they all believe in helping others. They all believe in a generosity mindset and are the kind of people who get lit up by supporting and empowering others. However, one of the questions that they’re always battling, and sometimes they don’t even know to be asking themselves this, is how do you know when you’re giving too much? How do you know when you’re overextending yourself or even doing more than a client, a significant other, a child, or a friend can appreciate because you’re going above and beyond?
I was talking to a client about this. She talked about an event that she had put on in her home, and she went above and beyond. It sounded amazing, but one of the things that I noticed that holds her back in really enjoying her work is that she overdoes in everything that she does, which can be a great quality and is certainly something that’s valued by people, but it’s only valued to a certain extent. I remember saying to her, “You bring out the china every time, even if people are only expecting paper plates.”
Sometimes that’s amazing because you go above and beyond, and it is so appreciated that you’re a differentiator in business, in your career, and your personal life, but sometimes you go above and beyond that way, and it’s even past the point that a person can truly appreciate it. You’re doing all this extra work, and you could reallocate that energy somewhere else.
Sometimes, you go above and beyond that you are past the point where a person can truly appreciate what you are doing. You are using energy to do extra work you could reallocate somewhere else. Share on X
I remember one of the professors I had in my Master’s program gave me the gift of helping me understand this by telling me and pulling me aside. At the time, I was a stepmother, I had two small children, and their father was deployed overseas. I also had a full-time job, and I’m in this Master’s program. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, candidly, doing it the best I could but burning the candle at both ends.
He asked me a question that was so incredibly valuable. He said, “April, do you know how the grading system works in the Master’s program?” I said, “Yes, sort of. A, B, C, and D.” He said, “Right, but do you understand the numbers that correlate with those letters?” I was a little confused, and so he explained. He said, “In my class, both 90 and 100 are marked A. What’s going to be put on your transcripts that anyone’s ever going to be able to see about the work that you put in this class is the A, whether it’s a 90 or 100.”
As I was listening to what he was saying, he said, “April, right now in your life, what could you do with that 10%?” That’s what I want you guys to ask yourself. What could you do with that extra percent? If you are giving too much in areas where it’s not appreciated, not that the people aren’t grateful, just that you wouldn’t have to give that much for them to be amazed. They would be amazed well before then.
What could you do with that? Could you have more fun with that energy? Could you drive more business with that energy? Could you relax with that energy? What could you do? A great way to know if you’re giving too much is to start to look at the different areas of your life, of your business, and have somebody that you trust and talk through with them what you’re doing for these different things.
Because something that doesn’t happen for those of us who don’t have someone who is helping us in our business, coaching us personally, or objectively giving their opinion on what we do, we just assume everyone else is doing as much as we are, or it is what we should be doing. That’s the minimum effort. When someone else that you trust that you know does a good job at whatever it is you’re looking at, you could say, “Gosh, no.” You’re given 120%. You could scale that back for sure and have all that extra time.
In many cases, you are never going to know when you’re giving too much. It’s going to take somebody else objectively looking at it and sharing with you what they or most other people do. I’ll also give you a hint that may be controversial, but I feel like it is super important to share. If you are someone who has ever struggled with, been diagnosed with, or even had an inkling that you may have ADHD, there is a huge chance that you give much more effort in a lot of areas than other people do.
It’s part of the way that the neurology in your mind works. You are always looking at things in different ways than neurotypical people do. You tend to, especially if you’re a perfectionist, give more and try and do more than most people do. Since not everybody thinks the same way you do, there aren’t often people breaking it down for you and saying, “No one else is giving that much effort.”
Especially if it’s only in a corporate environment because they just benefit from how much work you’re doing, or it’s only in your family environment, and the Mom or Dad holds everything together with all the stuff they do. I want you to take a look at that because if you find yourself being exhausted, who just really wants a break, who never feels like they can do enough, chances are you’re probably actually giving too much.
By finding a way to throttle back, you’re going to meet an exceptional happy medium where people are still happy and feel cared about and rewarded for what you’re able to give, but you have extra energy to give yourself that can enrich your life and also help you move forward on other things that are important to you that you’re constantly telling yourself you don’t have time for. Here’s to your success.