Like April talked about in episode 4, people will do things that offend us, even though they didn’t mean to. Let’s say, for example, some guy cuts you off in traffic, speeds and drives recklessly. You automatically get mad and think, “What a jerk!” But was he trying to be a jerk? Maybe not. What if you learned he was driving that way because he found out his child was in a car wreck and had been rushed to the emergency room? Your feelings about his behavior would be a lot different. Your anger toward him would vanish.
Similar instances of hurt feelings can happen when men and women interact with each other. Husbands can forget anniversaries, even though he did not mean to be insensitive or selfish. Wives can interrupt their husband’s conversation with a seemingly unrelated thought. But to her, it makes perfect sense. So why does this happen? In today’s episode of the Winning Mindset Mastery Podcast, April gives us a fundamental reason. Understanding the ideas she talks about could help you get along a lot better with members of the opposite sex, not just our spouses. The likely result? The stress levels you experience in your relationships will go way down. So tune in here to listen!
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Don’t Understand A THING Your Partner Is Saying? Here’s Why!
Back in Episode 4, I talked about how understanding other people’s reactions, inaction, actions, moods, and everything is not about you and how powerful that is to know. I used an example of someone cutting you off and racing past you on the highway and how a lot of times, we’d think that person was being a jerk. However, imagine if that person just found out that their child hurt themselves on the playground at school and they were racing to go and take them to the hospital because they’d broken their arm. How differently you would feel about that person in the other car?
I was talking to a group of people and one of the gentlemen in that group, I was sharing that same example said, “My wife is so much better at that. My wife points out those things and how I can look at people with empathy in lots of situations. I’m just not there yet.” Immediately I thought my next reframe episode was going to be for the fellows, and here’s why. There is a difference in the way that our brains work. I’m not necessarily talking about men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but it is a similar type of thing that I geek out on neuroscience and the way that our minds work and how we can leverage them.
Understanding: There is a difference in the way that men’s and women’s brains work.
I will tell you, the best way I can describe the way a male brain works is in compartments. If you happen to be talking about your favorite make and model of car or classic cars or anything about motor vehicles and they are in that compartment. All of a sudden, you make a switch to a different subject. There’s a little bit of a lag between when they go from that compartment to the new compartment that you have introduced in your conversation.
For me as a lady, and for you, if you are reading and you are too, you probably know that your mind is a little more like a bunch of spaghetti thrown on the table. I don’t mean that it’s a mess. I mean that everything can somehow be interconnected and a completely non-related subject can remind you of something different.
I will go back to that car analogy. You are talking about different vehicles and classic cars, and that makes you think of your grandfather because he loved classic cars. You are like, “My grandfather’s birthday is in a week. We should get started planning a dinner for him.” Meanwhile, the gentleman that you are speaking with is looking at you like, “How did you go there so quickly?” However, what’s interesting is when you understand this difference, you can have a lot more empathy for each other.
Understanding: When you understand the difference between how men’s and women’s brains work, you can have a lot more empathy for each other.
One is the fact that you can be talking to a woman about something unrelated and she’s going to remember things on her to-do list that you don’t think have a connection but for her, they do because everything is connected. She’s thinking about everything at once. Conversely, you can have more empathy for the men in your life because you understand that sometimes the connections that you make quickly, just by virtue of the fact that everything is in some ways connected in your mind, aren’t as easy for them to step into.
When we go back to that example of the husband who said, “My wife can go into empathy quickly, and I can’t get there,” it starts to help you understand why. He is fully in the this-person-is-being-a-jerk box and maybe the protect-my-family box or whatever compartment he’s in and he’s fully committed. He’s in there. When you make that quick connection of, “Maybe they are experiencing something tough and maybe I shouldn’t feel that way.” He can’t necessarily go from one to the other that quickly. It takes a little bit more of an adjustment.
This also explains lots of things that we give men a hard time for like, “They don’t hear what we said while they were watching a sport.” They were watching that sport. They were fully in it. They weren’t 100% listening to us because that would require switching compartments and they were committed to that sports watching compartment.
It’s also why sometimes it’s more difficult for them to remember certain dates and certain things like that because they are not constantly running through everything that they are thinking about all the time. While I say this as a big generalization on men and women and the science behind it, there are exceptions to each rule.
Understanding: Sometimes it’s more difficult for men to remember certain dates and things because they are not constantly running through everything that they are thinking about all the time.
If there’s one way that we can be a little kinder to the people who are in our lives when they are trying to master some of these techniques, I want to help with that. Also, that little bit of extra time for the man in your life to switch compartments and get on the same page as you are. Let me know if giving him that little bit of time makes your communication smoother, easier, and something that you both enjoy more.
Everything in our lives is about relationships and how we relate to other people. Share on XWhen you are talking with one of the women in your life and they come up with something that popped into their head completely unrelated to what you are talking about, keep in mind, that that’s the way their mind works. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t paying attention to you. Yes, I know this technically is not a relationship show, but everything in our life is about relationships and how we relate to other people. I’m hoping that me sharing this with you makes it that much easier for you to relate to the people who matter the most to you. Let me know how this works for you. Don’t forget. You can always go to my website, WinningMindsetMasteryPodcast.com, and leave me a voice message at the bottom under Ask April. It is private and I will answer you personally. I cannot wait to hear how this is working for you. Here’s to your success.
Important Links
- Episode 4 – Past episode