Are you truly helping, or are you sacrificing yourself for others? It’s a fine line—one April Shprintz had to learn the hard way. When you care deeply, it’s easy to give too much, even at your own expense. In this episode, April breaks down the key difference between helping and sacrificing, shares personal stories of when she got it wrong (and what she learned), and shows you how to support others without losing yourself in the process. If you’ve ever felt drained from always giving, this conversation is for you. Let’s dive in!
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Are You Helping Or Sacrificing?
I am so glad you’re here. I had someone ask me a poignant question, which is, “How do you know if you are helping or sacrificing?” This is a loaded one because there was a time in my life when I did not know the difference. When you’re someone who cares about people and loves to help others, these can get confusing very easily.
Understanding The Difference Between Helping And Sacrificing
For those of you who are wondering the answer to that question, helping is giving assistance to someone who’s already taking action to accomplish their goal whereas sacrificing is when you’re giving that assistance to someone and it’s negatively impacting you or you’re helping someone who isn’t doing anything to help themselves. I will guarantee you that the bigger of a helper you are or the bigger of a heart you have, you fall into that latter category more than you realize. I’ll give you some examples of what this might look like.
When I was very young in my early twenties, I hadn’t even purchased a home yet and my mother kept talking about how she’d never had a home of her own. I was going to buy her a house. I was still an enlisted person in the Military. I didn’t make that much money. If I had bought her a house, I wouldn’t have been able to buy a home of my own, at least not then or not for many years.
Helping is giving assistance to someone who's already taking action to accomplish their goal, whereas sacrificing is when you're giving that assistance to someone, and it's negatively impacting you, or you're helping someone who isn't making any effort… Share on XI was still going to do it because it felt like the right thing to do for family. It felt like I should help her because she had done so much for me as a kid. A lot of times, we can get caught up in the should or in the loyalty with our family. I feel very fortunate that someone took me aside and said, “You are not helping her if you do that for her. You’re not helping yourself if you put yourself in a situation where you couldn’t take care of your family.”
What I ended up doing was going back and telling her that I wasn’t going to buy her the house, which she did not like. I told her this, and this was my way of helping without sacrificing, “If you save up a down payment for a house, I will match it and help you get one.” In this particular scenario, she never saved that down payment. That tells you something because she wasn’t willing to put forth the same amount of effort that I was. That is the difference between sacrificing and helping someone.
Helping Vs. Sacrificing In Relationships And Goals
Another example is a friend of mine who has a sibling who isn’t working and she keeps giving him money because he can’t afford his lifestyle. She eventually said, “I’m happy to help you if you have a full-time job to support yourself. If you are already doing everything that you can to facilitate having the lifestyle you want and then you need some extra help, I will help you, but until you have a job, I’m not going to do this anymore.” Her paying while he wasn’t working at all and her working the equivalent of two jobs to be able to help him was sacrificing. Helping is saying, “I will give you a hand up if you are already doing whatever you can to improve your situation.”
When you want something more than another person does and are willing to do anything and everything to help them get there, it leads to sacrifice, unhappiness, and resentment. Share on XThis is another example not having to do with money in case it’s never a financial way that you’re wondering if you’re helping or sacrificing and it’s more time-related. I had a friend who was deployed who was in the Military and he had another friend who wanted to get in shape but wasn’t doing anything to get into better physical condition.
This friend took it upon himself to get up extra early, go and get that other friend, and wake him up, which was very difficult because this person would sleep through their alarm or wouldn’t go, wasted a lot of time, and would tend to get to the gym maybe 30 minutes later. His workout wouldn’t be as good because he was making this sacrifice to help this friend get in shape.
Here’s the thing. He was going above and beyond because he wanted that friend to have what he wanted even more than the friend did. Helping them would be, “I go to the gym at this time. You can meet me there. I’d love to work out with you.” Are you seeing the difference here where helping is still, “I want to assist you in reaching your goals but I can’t want it more than you do.” When you want something more than another person does and you’ll do anything and everything to help them get there, that leads to sacrifice, unhappiness, and resentment. You don’t want that. Why? It’s because you deserve so much better than that always. Here’s to your success.
