In this episode of the Winning Mindset Mastery Podcast, we talk about an uncomfortable phrase, “It’s not about you!” It’s a phrase a lot of people don’t like to hear. Maybe you’re one of them. I know I was. But that began to change when I started to develop a winning mindset. Here’s the thing about that phrase: If you let it, it will open up a whole new paradigm for you. It will set you free. It will give you more empathy and compassion for people who do things that offend you.
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Want More Peace And Less Worry? This Will Help You
Thank you so much for joining me. A phrase that bothers some people or doesn’t like to hear is, “It’s not about you.” I’ll tell you that that used to be a phrase I didn’t like to hear until I started working on developing a winning mindset. That phrase, “It’s not about you,” will set you free. Let me explain. A lot of times, the things that people do that piss us off the most have nothing to do with us. It feels like it’s a personal affront, or they’re doing it to us.
Its Not About You: A lot of times, the things that people do that piss us off the most have nothing to do with us.
It can be difficult to see it through a different lens unless you have more information. The more times you look at these situations and dig into them a little more, the more you’ll realize that nine and a half times out of ten, it has nothing to do with you. I’m leaving you half a time in case you do something rude or mean to somebody. I don’t think you did, but in case, it’s not because of us. It is ingrained in us to believe that the way we behave or the way that we are or who we are dictates the way that people treat us when, most often, what dictates the way that people treat anyone is what else is going on in their life and how they’re reacting to it.
Its Not About You: It is ingrained in us to believe that the way we behave, the way that we are, or who we are dictates the way that people treat us. Most often, what dictates the way that people treat anyone is what else is going on in their life and how they’re reacting to it.
Keep this in mind. Most people are not doing this extra work that you’re doing. It’s why it’s such a competitive advantage to control the way they think and react. They’re going through life reacting to whatever good or bad thing happens to them. With more information, you can start to realize that everybody’s reacting like that. No matter how someone else behaves, you know it’s not about you. The moment you realize it’s not about you, you stop feeling strongly about the way they’re behaving, and it is huge.
I’ll give you a few examples, and you’ll start to see what I mean. Let’s take the guy who honks at you for driving slow on the highway, cuts you off, and is driving like an absolute maniac. You might get offended. You might get a little hot. You’re feeling like, “Why is he being such a jerk?” That guy found out that his son fell off the swing set at school and broke his arm. It’s his first child and his first big injury. He is terrified. It doesn’t have anything to do with you.
I’ll give you another one. Your significant other answers your phone call. It’s snippy and rushes you off the phone. A lot of us will say, “What did I do?” Before you got on the phone, your significant other got reprimanded by their boss for doing a bad job on an important project. Maybe it was their fault or wasn’t, but either way, they are not in the frame of mind to be the loving partner you know them to be. You’re starting to see where I’m going with this. It is not about you.
You interview for a job that you want, and you are thrilled. You know you’re qualified. It’s within your company, but it’s another position. It’s a better salary. It’s your dream role. You get notified that you didn’t get it. You think, “Am I not as good as I think I am? Am I underqualified? Did I do badly in the interview? Am I bad at presenting myself?” You could spiral, but the other piece of information was the VP got leaned on heavily by a board member to consider their nephew, who may not have been as qualified as you or be as good as you are, but that VP is stuck in a tough place where they’re getting pressure to hire someone else by someone in a position of power. It may not be fair or good news, but it’s not about you.
The last one of these examples, let’s say you’re a hairstylist, and you have a long-time client who, all of a sudden, stops coming to see you. They don’t say anything. You don’t know where they went. They’re not coming to you. You feel like, “I thought that I did such a good job. I deserved an explanation. I can’t believe that she would leave and not say anything to me. I can’t believe she’s not a client.” You start questioning yourself, like, “Maybe I’m not staying up to date on the latest techniques. I’m not offering all the days and times people want.”
You get the extra information and you find out that that client lost her job and she had to take a lower-paying job so that she could pay her bills. The one thing she couldn’t afford to do was still have the luxury of getting her hair done, but she’s ashamed to say that. She didn’t tell you. She just disappeared. It’s not about you.
Its Not About You: It’s not about you.
There are all sorts of examples we could come up with of this. There are probably times that someone reacted to something you did, thinking that it was because of them when you had all the information, and you knew it wasn’t all about them. Maybe you were able to share that information and help them, or you weren’t.
If you start looking at other people’s behaviors as having different triggers and different reasons, you’ll start to understand that you don’t own any of that. It’s not your responsibility. It is much easier to have a mindset that works for you when you’re not taking responsibility for other people’s behaviors and not letting them get to you. If it’s not about you, you don’t have to worry about it. That will give you a tremendous amount of peace.
It is much easier to have a mindset that works for you when you're not taking responsibility for other people's behaviors and not letting them get to you. If it's not about you, you don't have to worry about it. Share on XIf you got a situation that you don’t think falls into this and want to talk about it, go to my website, WinningMindsetMasteryPodcast.com. There’s a place at the bottom of the page where you can send me a question. I will respond to you privately in my own voice and we can talk it out. You can also pick up that free mindset accelerator that will help you accelerate your mindset in one week while you’re there. I hope this was super helpful to you. I hope you’re having an amazing day. Here’s to your success.
